Saturday, May 31, 2014

not quite the old me

I'm sitting in the nail salon on a Saturday afternoon which is monumental for a few reasons:

1. This is the first time I've been away from the baby in what FEELS like forever.
2. I haven't had a mani pedi in LITERALLY forever. (God, help my technician ...)
3. I just picked this crazy, bright neon orange polish that is uncharacteristic of P.B.C. (pre-baby Christina)

And maybe #3 sums it all up.

I haven't been feeling like myself lately. I look in the mirror and the woman staring back at me looks nothing like P.B.C. Between the baby weight, the stretch marks & bags under my eyes I couldn't pick myself out of a lineup.

Motherhood is hard on the body, hard on the mind and apparently hard on my hands and feet.

"What's wrong?" hubby asked this morning after his workout. I could say nothing so I just sat there in bed in my too small PJs changing the baby's diaper until the tears welled up and I couldn't see anymore and I accidentally missed three snaps on his sleeper.

And that's how I ended up here. At the  nail salon. Getting "me" time. Drinking my Starbucks green tea frap (w/ two pumps of raspberry, thank you) just to feel like P.B.C. who didn't need to count calories and could splurge on a fine beverage at will. 

And surprisingly, just as I was searching for my old self, the neon orange spoke to me.

Now I'm normally conservative. Normally I play it safe. Shades of nude and pink always suited P.B.C. just fine.

But I'm NOT P.B.C. And I'm not really sure who this new woman is. But I know she likes the wild side. She likes big hair (the bigger the better). She loves buying shoes even if she has absolutely nothing to wear with it. She LOVES being a mom and a wife. But sometimes, when the glass is half empty, she needs something spontaneous to make her feel ALIVE. 

And today, Starbucks and neon orange nails just might do the trick. 

Not making any promises for tomorrow ;-)